My Women's Summer Discipleship group just started up for the season. Our church transitions out of weekly co-ed community groups and into men's and women's groups and all-church beach nights for each week of the summer. It's already my favorite season and this shift in how we do life together with our church family is just the icing on the summer cake. This year, we're reading a book on Biblical womanhood which is redefining for us what that term means and helping us to see ourselves as created in the image of God, uniquely reflecting different characteristics of Him than men were created to do. So far, between that and our inductive Bible studies that we're training our groups in, it's been really rich.. and we've barely just begun.
{David took this photo on Mother's Day.}
The question came up in our discussion about where-- other than in Jesus-- we find our worth and value. My first inclination was to give a superficial answer of living up to cultural standards. And while that may be true to some degree, it's incomplete.
The truth is, the deeper I dig in my own heart, the more I see myself finding worth in whether I feel included by my peers.
This effects me in many areas of life, but I feel the rub a lot in blogging. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel because I don't feel that successful or popular enough (ugh, here I go, back to high school).
Blogging niches feel a little like various in-crowds to me. I don't identify with a super specific niche per se, so I feel a bit like an outsider, standing outside of a variety of circles but not quite included.
Sewing is one of my passions, but I rarely have time to do it, let alone write about it. I'm not a fashion blogger, although I'm interested in really figuring out my personal style. I'm by no means a food blogger but I love to share recipes with you. I don't write exclusively deep thoughts on my faith filled with poetic language and tangible analogies (although I'd love to write like that more often).
I'm trying to be at a place where none of that matters, but it's still hard on some days. The idea of fitting in is a constant struggle that I'm trying to stamp out with truth. I'm trying to see myself as me enough, even if I don't feel green enough, creative enough, deep enough.
I'm reminding myself that God was intentional in crafting my renaissance soul. This is who He made me to be and maybe not fitting into any particular box is a good thing.
And as for writing, the more I write, the more I think I will become who He made me to be as a writer, because I know He's the one who created me with words that spill out of my heart and make their way to my little corner of the internet.
I'm experimenting a bit with my writing and blogging. The times when I can get on my computer and compose tend not to be my most creative, inspired moments (usually that "free" time coincides with my exhausted-and-want-to-veg-out-moments), so I'm going to try going a little old-fashioned. If I write my inspired thoughts down on paper when they come to me, maybe I'll end up publishing a few more blog posts... it's worth a try anyway! ;)